“He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.” ― P.G. Wodehouse
Did someone really try to eat the box? This must be a message to all the Stoners with a powerful hankering from the munchies. I was already worried about humanity, but I now am terrified.
Stupid people winning stupid prizes is not something new. What is new is social media never letting people live down their stupidity…if they manage to survive their stupidity.
When a redneck says, “Hey y’all watch this,” it is best to have 911 keyed up and ready. It is often the last words out of their mouths as they audition for a Darwin Award.
The two good old boys who, on a hunting trip got drunk, and decided to see who was the best shot with a crossbow by William Telling beer cans…off each other’s heads. One lost an ear but managed to avoid the “Fickle Finger of Fate.”
My best friend tried to emulate Roy Rogers jumping onto a horse from a balcony. We had no balconies on our farm and decided to use the hayloft of the barn. We didn’t have a horse either, but we did have a bicycle. Thankfully, he went first while I held the bicycle…he also went last.
Also from my childhood, the fella whose gas gauge had quit working. Needing to check the level in his gas tank one night, he decided to use his Zippo to get a better look. Singed his eyebrows it did and destroyed a perfectly good ’51 Plymouth. He seems to not be the only one who decided to check their fuel level with an open flame. See the warning label below for a jet sky.
No one lost a life in these examples and leads credence to the old French saying, “God always helps fools, lovers, and drunkards” Sometimes.
One must remember that for every warning label there is at least one person who has done something dumb and then sued someone for their own stupidity. Remember the McDonald’s lawsuit? Coffee cups now carry the warning, “Do not spill coffee on your crotch” label. Actually, the warning is “Caution: Contents Hot.” We also got cardboard sleeves and “sippy cup” like lids from that lawsuit. Technology as needed for the survival of the species.
As a science teacher there were sometimes unintended consequences to some of the experiments and demonstrations I did. I don’t know who it reflected more poorly upon, the students or me. The good news is no one lost an eye.
I really should never have given out the instructions on “How to build a potato gun” after demonstrating one in class. One of our nearby communities faced a series of “spud” attacks and a picture window was knocked out. I was young and stupid, like my students. Enterprising young people, “There are dozens of internet sites that will tell you how to build one. Go out and do your worst.” Now I’m old and stupid.
A demonstration of the reaction of potassium and water went off the rails when several Senior lab assistants decided to recreate it. I used a lab sink half filled with water and a BB sized amount of potassium, a soft metal that will react with the oxygen in the air and violently with the oxygen in water, creating enough heat to ignite the hydrogen that is released in the reaction. The small sample sparked and smoked on the surface of the water drawing oohs and aahs. The lab assistants? About two inches of water and a golf ball sized piece of potassium. After all, if a little is great, a lot is monumental.
Knowing they were in the wrong when the department head walked into the storage room used to hide their activity, they compounded their folly by attempting to dispose of the evidence by pulling the drain plug and allowing it to drain.
As soon as the potassium hit the trap there was an explosion shattering several of the connected glass traps used in laboratory settings. No one was hurt but several students were drenched in yucky water at their lab stations as pressure caused water to flow in the wrong direction. I received the dreaded intercom message from the principal’s office, “Mister Miller, come to my office immediately, please.”
For my next trick, I will make a dill pickle light up in the dark…I’ll save that one till later…no I won’t.
Really smart people do stupid things too. Ben Franklin’s kite experiment comes to mind, but he survived his foolishness. Sir Francis Bacon didn’t.
On a freezing day in April 1626, the philosopher-scientist, Francis Bacon, had the idea that freezing might preserve food and decided to gut, pluck, and stuff with snow, a chicken. Neither the chicken nor Bacon survived. Bacon developed pneumonia before the experiment could be proven and died.
If you are unfamiliar with the Darwin Awards, they are a tongue-in-cheek honor that originated in Usenet newsgroup discussions around 1985. They recognize individuals who have contributed to human evolution by selecting themselves out of the gene pool by dying or becoming sterilized via their own actions. Sir Fransis Bacon would be the only possible Darwin Award winner from my examples.
Note: I wrote this before the loss of the Titan submersible with five people on board and considered whether I should share it or not. Obviously, I made my decision.
I have seen much debate about the wealth of these individuals and the intelligence of these individuals. While this terrible event proves wealth and intelligence will not shield you from your fate, there is nothing remotely humorous as the memes and jokes I have seen might have you believe. Shame on some of us as humans.
Don Miller’s Authors Site may be found at https://www.amazon.com/stores/DonMiller/author/B018IT38GM?
Ravings of a Mad Southerner 