“Dinosaurs are extinct today because they lacked opposable thumbs and the brainpower to build a space program.” — Neil deGrasse Tyson
Like most people, opposable thumbs are not something I tend to think much about…until yesterday. Yesterday I took a dive, forehead planting just outside my home. Luckily, I chose a large patch of un-mowed clover to crash into. I’d like to blame my puppies, but it is due more to an overactive clumsiness gene.
What does my clumsiness and painful neck and shoulders have to do with my opposable thumb? Somewhere in my dive I jammed the thumb on my left hand into the ground before falling on top of it. It pained me yesterday but this morning…. As a friend once wrote, “The pain is exquisite.”
Overnight my thumb became swollen and blue reminding me somewhat of a Louisiana Boudin Sausage when I viewed it in the morning light. When I sucked on it, it reminded me of nothing like sausage. The pain is manageable if I don’t move it…or anything else. I’m right-handed and thought, “no big deal it’s my left hand.” A bit of ice will do the trick. Wrong. I can’t even open the baggie to put the ice in without using my teeth.
Problems manifested as soon as I attempted to squeeze toothpaste onto my toothbrush to rid myself of my morning breath. I am a left-handed squeezer and even more clumsy reversing the process, attempting to hold my toothbrush in my left hand like a baby holding a spoon. I’m not ambidextrous unless that means “equally clumsy with both hands.”
Have you tried to unzip and unbutton your pants to answer a dire morning call to nature? Damn near impossible without using both hands and both thumbs. Damn near but I did avoid a catastrophe. Unfortunately, I now must sew a button on to my pants. That won’t happen for a while.
Simple acts become impossible. Holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a breakfast burrito in the other. I had to change into my third pair of shorts having dumped my burrito into my lap and onto the floor. Manna from heaven for the puppies. I just triggered another question, “Why do we call it a ‘pair’ of shorts rather than just one short?” Inquiring minds must find out.
Tearing the top off a food packet like the shredded cheese I wanted to put into the grits I’m now eating because of the dropped burrito was challenging. After a failed attempt using my teeth, I accomplished the feat with scissors and a left elbow trapping the package against the center kitchen island with a bit of body contortion. Tried to stir the cheese into the grits by trapping the bowl against my chest…that required a tee shirt change…which is also hard to accomplish.
Geez, I sure hope I don’t have to unscrew a bottle top.
At some point I will have to put on shoes and am questioning whether I’ll be able to tie the shoestrings. Simple things a right-handed person doesn’t realize you need a left thumb to accomplish. I’m sure my list will continue to grow as the day goes on, but I’m quitting now. I’m having trouble hitting the space bar with my left thumb.
***
To answer my question about shorts…or pants, the phrase “pair of pants” harkens back to the days when what constituted pants consisted of two separate items, one for each leg. They were put on one at a time and then secured around the waist.
The term “pair of pants” is derived from French, where the word originally meant two separate garments that were worn together. At that time, the pants were separated by leg coverings, which made it logical to call them “pairs”.
The word pants? Pants derives from the word pantaloons, which has several differing spellings.
Don Miller writes about subjects other than opposable thumbs and pairs of pants. His works may be found at https://www.amazon.com/stores/Don-Miller/author/B018IT38GM?ref=ap_rdr&store_ref=ap_rdr&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true
Ravings of a Mad Southerner 
Yeah, I feel ya. Was heading for a face plant from a ladder in the kitchen a few years ago. Saved my face by landing on my hand. Disenchanted with being judged lower than my face, my hand forced my arm to break two bones. “That’ll teach you,” the hand said as I howled in pain. Is that what’s meant by a hand job?
Terrible part of the entire experience was telling people how I’d done it. Had to make up a exciting adventure to explain it. Then decided it would be more fun to tell different tales to everyone. The world is full of confusion; why shouldn’t I contribute?
Hope your thumb is okay and fast. Best to you.
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Your comment about “different tales to everyone”, made me snort-laugh! 😛
Yes, I’m for always making up a wild story about how the unfortunate-event happened. 😉 😀 Always more exciting and fun than the what really happened. 😉
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That’s the spirit! LOL
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Thank you, it is better.
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Oh, gosh! 😮 and Poor you! 😦
Yes, we don’t know how much we use and appreciate body parts until they are injured. 😦
I hope you heal soon and nicely…but, until then can you milk it for all it’s worth to get help?!?!
I would definitely make up a wild, “Oh, my gosh, seriously?!” story about injuring it! 😉 😀 😛
(((HUGS))) ❤️
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Your thought triggered, “Thankfully I don’t have to milk a cow.” Thank you.
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!! 😀
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Damn! I took a header off a ladder after Katrina and broke my right hand and right leg….so I feel your pain….hopefully you can recover quickly. Have a restful day chuq
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Thank you, and a restful day to you.
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😎
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You’re right. We take thumbs for granted. We take lots of things for granted, in truth. Get well soon!
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Thank you! It is better.
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Oh my could I tell you stories… Recent surgery surprised me with nerve damage, my right hand of course. Photography not an option, actually everything is an adventure now (like typing). The other day at the hospital I was handed a small plastic cup…”can you fill this please” was the request. Reasonable, I gave a similar reply, “I’m not sure”. The well known southern South Carolina charm was absent that day.
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I had a run in with a glass door thirty years ago that cut me to the bone. I was surprised at the nerve damage. Over time the nerves have regenerated. Hopefully, yours will too. South Carolina charm is something that seems to be in short supply these days, at least in the foothills of the Blue Ridge.
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Lowcountry too 🥺
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That sounds so painful! Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
(Warning: Silly aside. As you mention, calling a single article of clothing a “pair” of shorts or trousers harks back to the two parts being put on separately and held together with a belt way back when. I thought I’d add that back then, in addition to having to deal with tricksy belts, their (outer) sleeves were also separate pieces that they had to lace, tie, or stitch onto the, um, center part of the shirt after donning it (must have been awkward). I can imagine mothers of teens being like, “Where are your sleeves? You can’t go out like that! You look like a vagrant! Go back and put on your sleeves, and sew those sleeves on tightly this time! And none of that loosey-goosey, fashionable peek-a-boo type of stitching!”)
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That is funny. Thanks for sharing and commenting.
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Oh, man, that sucks. I’m glad you can still walk — if we need to look at the bright side.
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It is better, thanks
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The times when I moan about my thumbs are when my kids (and now, grandkids) make me play games with them using those game system controllers. The faster the action, the sooner my thumb muscles start to feel like they are going to spasm.
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